|
|
| The
Year
09'
in
review: -Ickiest movie ever: Benjamin Button. Although nominated last year, it is deserving for more discussion. Just thinking about it, requires PJ to take a shower! - Most Disappointing: Angels and Demons. Tom Hanks was wrong for the Davinci Code and was further miscast in this one! - Movies that had no business being so enjoyable: Sandra Bullock's, The Proposal (way to go Betty White!) and The Blindside. - Best three Diverse acting performances by one actress: Evan Rachel Wood who was Mickey Rourke's daughter in The Wrestler, the southern girl in Whatever Works , and the singing lead in Across the Universe. What talent! - Most revolting, unfunny movie: Bruno. - The Movie that killed the shellfish Industry: District 9. Yuck. Vomitorious! Movies PJ liked: Inglorious Basterds: The Nazi colonel, the French girl Shosonna. Great characters. 500 days of summer: zoey! Hurt Locker: Directed by a women and perhaps the all-time most realistic war movie ever. An Education: Could have been a tawdry thing, but somehow wasn't. Whatever Works: Brilliant/ funny/ poignant/ stupid. |
| From the: If-It-Tastes-And-Or-Feels-So-Good, How-Can-It-Be-Bad-For-You? category:The UK's Daily Mail reported that "popcorn could help prevent cancer!" Researchers at the University of Scranton "discovered that...popcorn contains 'surprisingly large' levels of health-boosting antioxidants called polyphenols, which are compounds found in fruit and vegetables.... that are thought to reduce the risk of heart disease, cancer, and other diseased. The US's Guardian explained that popocorn contained the most antioxidants in the salty snack category." -No, we did not finance the study. -Thanks to Larry and Perri for digging up the research. -Also in the food category....our research shows that district 9 viewers have reported a diminished appetite for shrimp, crabs, and lobster. |
| Those of us who love foreign and independent movies, clearly understand just how engaging and compelling these sub-titled movies can be. Most movie-goers, however, when advised at the box office that a film is sub-titled, demur and choose something else to see. "I don't read movies....I'm not here to think," they often say. Well, something very interesting happened with the showing of Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds. Unbeknownst to most is that fully two thirds of the movie is sub-titled. Yet Basterds is so sensational, that the "not here to think" public finds the movie overwhelming. In fact, not one individual has even mentioned the use of subtitles on the way out, and, doubly in fact, PJ is of the belief that they may not have even consciously been aware that they were just exposed to two and a half hours of subtitles. They were sub-titled, they didn't even know it, and they loved it. Maybe now, they'll give that next foreign flick a shot. |
| So, the guy walks in with his teenage son and asks to see District 9. PJ gives him the two tickets and tells him that this movie will probably result in his loss of appetite for lobster, crab, or shrimp ever again. He says it's ok because he's allergic to shellfish. The next customer, a woman, asks for a ticket to Julie and Julia. As PJ hands her the ticket, he lets her know that this movie will stimulate her appetite. Another of life's little ironies witnessed on the movie line. |
| It was a busy Sunday matinee. Transformers was the hot movie, and the people were filing in. This big, rugged, handsome guy walks in with his family. What a great looking group they were! The big guy says, "Five for Transformers, please." To which your proprietor responds with, "That's twenty-five dollars, and you might want to take a few pre-emptive aspirin to stave off the inevitable headache because this movie is loud and long." At which point the gentleman politely and so poignantly responded, "I'm just back from fifteen months in Iraq, and i don't think i'll have any problem with the movie." To which PJ replied, "You are right, this will be a piece of cake." As July 4th approaches let's send out a hand to those who have served, and still serve, so courageously. One of PJ's favorite patrons came in the same afternoon bearing a gift. It was a bag of Tootsie Roll Pops. A bit later as PJ was reading the nutritional information on the label he noticed that the serving size was said to be one tootsie roll pop. And then, where it said number of servings, it was printed: about 18. Well, there were only 17 in the bag. An honest mistake? Do some bags contain 19? Or, is this the equivalent of a 5% price increase through misrepresentation? Or should we even bother to care? And this from the people who were once so concerned with numbers they used to ask how many licks in a Tootsie Roll Pop. Anyway, thanks for the gift, Nico. |
| So, The lady walks into the theater and inquires, "Where do I wanna go.....to The International or The Pink Panther?" To which your proprietor replied, "I don't know. Do you want to be confused or annoyed?" And frankly, folks, that's how it's been with our latest batch of just-ok movies. And, yet, as often happens in a down economy, the people are coming to see them in sufficiently large numbers so that the distributors will not permit us to drop them. And thus.....we have been unable to bring in the movies we want-- critically acclaimed movies such as The Wrestler, Doubt, Defiance, The Reader, Last Chance Harvey, et. al. It is unfortunate that our hands are tied this way. It's as if we run a restaurant and the food distributors said--sorry, all you can serve for the next three weeks is hamburger. And, folks, that's exactly what you've been forced to digest recently. Burgers. Sorry. |
| So
now
that
it's
Academy
Award
time,
PJ
went
through
the
list
of
movies
shown
at
the
theater
in
'08.
Here's his list of flicks he thought were worthy of recognition: Elegy: Penelope Cruz outperformed Anne Hathaway's Rachel. Ben Kingsley was also superb. Great movie. Vicki Cristina Barcelona: By far the most satisfying and enjoyable movie of the year. Light, jaunty, funny, serious, melancholy, passionate.........it had it all! Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz (yet again), and the entire rest of the cast were wonderful. It should even get an award for best voice over narrator ever. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist: OK, PJ is going out on a limb here, but this movie was a poor man's American Graffitti. The kid from Juno (with the flat affect) and a future star, Kat Deming, had chemistry. The girl with the chewing gum was very funny as well. Secret Life of Bees: Poignant, beautifully acted, and warm. Dakota Fanning was brilliant. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas: Required viewing for each and every one of us. Rachel Getting Married: This family was even a little less functional that the Little Miss Sunshine family. PJ loved the dishwasher scene. Most overrated film of the year: Benjamin Button. PJ thought they should have used the Chucky doll for the first-born old man creepy Bradpitiful guy. Didn't you feel like you needed a shower halfway through? Most overrated performance of the year: Heath Leger. The Joker is one dimensional easy acting. Heath will be missed, but he looms large in death. |
| PJ
was
saddened
to
hear
of
the
death
of
Paul
Newman.
As
he
thought
about
him
(and
his
movie
sidekick
Robert
Redford),
the
thought
occurred
to
him
that
these
guys
may
have
been
the
last
two
actors
that
women
loved
and
men
thought
were
cool.
There
really
isn't
anyone
else
out
there
who
fits
that
description. So.....the theater phone rings. PJ picks up. "Will you be getting Religulous?" the woman wants to know. "No," is the reply from PJ. "Why Not?" she asks indignantly. And then she adds, "I guess you are just too conservative!" And before he can respond, the line goes dead. An hour later the phone once again rings. A new woman is on the line. "Are you getting An American Carol?" THIS ONE asks. To which she is told, "No." "Why not?" she asks. And then adds just before she hangs up: "Is it too conservative for you?" And there you are folks: two accusatory nitwits, each on the opposite side of the political spectrum. You can't make this stuff up! |
| Summer had finally arrived at the Cinemas! It was Monday afternoon, and although a sunny day- the lobby had filled with children. Apparently, a caring teacher was rewarding her students with a showing of WALL-E. Well... the place was starting to get very noisy, so P.J., whose real name is Phil, got the attention of the kids. He asked them to each put a finger in front of their mouths and quietly say: Shushhh. And it worked! Instant behavior modification resulted in a quieter lobby! For about 5 minutes anyway because then the little boy started to cry. A nagging, whiney cry. Incessantly so. So P.J., who was on a roll went to the mom and told her he was going to tell the child that crying is not permitted. She shook her head yes. And Phil said to the little boy, "Young man, there is absolutely no crying permitted anywhere in this theater." And in a heartbeat silence prevailed. Once again- Dr. Phil- The Real Dr. Phil, had woven his magic- had indeed modified behavior. |
| PJ is a little embarrassed to admit that, yes, he watched Sex and the City. He'd never seen a single episode of the HBO series before, but he figured there was nothing wrong with being the only guy in the theater. So......he dragged in a chair, sat in the back, and watched the movie in the company of a full house of females. He's always claimed that real men should never fear a chick-flick! Well.......now he's further embarrassed (and perhaps a little frightened) to admit he loved the movie. Sure, it was silly and materialistic and soap operatic, but it was fun! While watching the show PJ couldn't help thinking they're probably already getting the wheels rolling on the sequel and most likely, though it's been denied, The Sopranos, the other big HBO hit series. Funny how the cable market hasn't killed the movies. Instead, it appears the two mediums (media?) support one another. Maybe even need one another. |
| It was a slow Wednesday matinee. The seniors were slowly plodding in. PJ was at the box office selling occasional tickets and a conversation regarding the "mature person's" inability to recall names developed. The lady next on line overheard the conversation and said, "You folks have trouble recalling names? Well, how about this one: Do you remember the Munsters?" PJ, the clever part of his brain still working, replied, "Herman or cheese?" She said, "Herman." And then she said while pointing to the handsome gentleman with her, "This is Eddie Munster--remember him?" And yes, folks, it was indeed Eddie Munster--all grown up--as "mature" as the people originally lamenting their failed memories. He's local, a regular patron of PJ's, and a lovely guy. And the lady? She's the author of a wonderful book on Eddie's fascinating life. It's now available at bookstores. |
| PJ wasn't surprised to hear that the viewership for the Oscars was down 21% from last year. He has been complaining for months about the five movies that were selected for Best Picture. No Country and There Will Be Blood were well made with high production values, but they were about despicable people. Don't movie-makers realize that we like movies when we like the characters? Daniel Day Lewis was a disgusting guy. So was Javier what's his name. Even Clooney's movie, Michael Clayton, was dark and dreary with nobody to like. Furthermore, it conveyed this smug attitude that is was better and smarter than the viewer who was deliberately kept confused for the first half hour. And talking dark and dreary, what about Atonement? Jeeesh. Juno, at least, was fun, even if the character was in a state of denial and rather emotionless. So.....were there any movies we did like this past year? Well, we liked Waitress and August Rush and Reign over Me and Across the Universe. Why? Because they sent the viewers home happy, not bummed out just like the characters in this year's top five did. People go to the movies to escape their dark and drearies, not to be reminded of them. |
| So, the lady walked up to the box office on a busy Martin Luther King Day matinee and asked your proprietor, "27 Dresses or the Bucket List?" And he replied, "27 Dresses is fluff. Are you in the mood for fluff? Bucket List, on the other hand, is sensational. It's with Jack and Morgan, however, it's about a subject we usually wish to not talk about. But....it is a great pairing, maybe the best, in fact, since Butch and Sundance." To which she replied, "I will not see a movie about homosexuals." To which PJ responded, "I didn't know Butch and Sundance were so inclined." To which she replied, "One for 27 Dresses." And off she went on a straight line to watch the fluffy movie. |
| It was a frigid january morning. The air was brittle, no more than 15 degrees. PJ looked from his window, and then he saw him. The fox. Bounding with kinetic energy in every step. And then he stopped, and not unlike a playful puppy, he crouched down, his paws forward, his rear end high in the air. And he jumped. Straight up into the air at least three or four feet high. A transfixed PJ continued to watch holding his breath as the fox continued this feat no less than a hundred times. And then...... from his burrow slowly, emerged the groundhog. He had been asleep or hibernating, but he, nevertheless, came out to see who was jumping at his chamber door. And that's when PJ's miracle nature show turned ghastly. With jaws clamped tightly around the groundhog's neck, the fox sprinted away. PJ has never forgotten that feeling, and not until he saw Eastern Promises did he once again encounter sudden terror emerge from such beauty. This movie is where the appreciation of life and impeccable art clashes with utter brutality. Sometimes life's masterpieces can be quite disturbing. Quite. |
| PJ had seen the look before. She was the grandmotherly type, she had just seen Hairspray, and she locked eyes with your proprietor. Slowly, with eyes fixed, she approached. "Here it comes," thought PJ. Staring unflinchingly, PJ was heard to ask, "Yes......?" And she replied, "I just saw Hairspray.....It was packed with kids." "Yes....," said PJ, coaxing her to continue. "Those kids...they didn't say a word...They just sat there." You could hear PJ exhale with relief. "You know, madam," he said, "the film maker would be proud to hear that comment." "Yes," she said, "they were rapt.....they loved it." And......it's true. Every one does, indeed, love Hairspray. They love the music and they love the message. |
| What with all the buzz going around about Harry Potter, PJ thought he ought to take a look at the movie. He'd never read any of the books, so he was able to look at the whole thing objectively. And what did he see? What did he discover? Pa-lenty! Ok, here we go: He couldn't help but notice the parallel between Harry and Luke Skywalker. Each is disturbed by their dark sides. Each has an elderly, bearded, wise mentor: Alec Guiness/ Michael Gambon and Richard Harris who play Obi-Wan-Kenobe and Dumbledore! Each of these old guys is the one guy feared by Voldemort or should we say Darth Vader? You know, Voldemort and his Death Eaters and Darth Vader from the Death Star. In fact PJ discovered that Voldemort is not only Darth without his mask, but he is also Harry's father which makes Harry a half brother of Luke who is a twin of Princess Laia. And since, Harry and Hermione are twins as well (they just don't know it yet), almost everyone in Star Wars and Harry Potter is family. And, of course, you know Hagrid is Chewbacca. He did have a little speech therapy and some laser hair removeal (from his face). And Han is Ron--each having three letter names ending in "n". And what about those light saber/magic wands that each of these fellows must master to vanquich the opposition? Oh, Ms. Rowland, how original were you! |
| You'd probably be surprised to know that PJ had never seen even one episode of The Sopranos. That was, of course, until last night, when he watched the final episode. He loved it. And.....not really knowing the characters, he was able to look at the final 30 second gray screen with an objective, detached point of view. He recognizes that those of you who protested every time one of your favorited characters was terminated, loved the show because you cared so much for these people. That is, in fact, what makes any great movie: we come to care for the characters. But PJ who had no relationship with Tony, et. al., saw the brilliance in the final non-ending. You hated the finale because you needed to know so much, but learned only very little. Well, folks, it may be disheartening to be reminded, but the underlying motivation for making movies or tv shows, is, yes, to make money. And.....despite the claim that the show is over, we know there is more money to be made. Big money. So, sit tight and forget about it. The saga will continue. You will find out. One day. And PJ is hoping, by the way, that it will be in theaters, so he may share in the fun. |
| PJ wishes to put to rest the pernicious rumor that has recently spread like wildfire throughout the greater Port Jefferson Station area. You may have heard the name of our local movie man surface with regard to the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's baby. |